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life the past year

what you want to know and who all's in it

18 June
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Dear Jnl,
May all have this, the warm after being cold too much through the day. To collect energy, to send it outward in gift of words like this –as being a gift inward also.
I waxed sentimental or some `ought (Irish).
Maybe we all can live without words but here’s just a spew.
Some of us have an imagined telepathy because they have imagined–bits-of-it going, frequently - I imagined a month or so ago I had telepathy with my friend, here called Down-to-Earthy so she needn’t feel exposed here- because I was thinking of what we were going to do today while I-in-my-maniac-contemplate-it-all out state thought actually of her and doing the eating (ha) well, and shopping, almost magically seeming to me because of excessive social isolation and the concentration-contrast-relief like popping a sugary grape after running a half marathon. You actually imagine it’s a giant endless divine sundae made of purple ether that you’re eating in a cloud above …although I think there is telepathy –really though nothing to me except that these grapes make me …thirsty for giving real.
I also dream often of my sister in awesome life situations where she’s “giving a paper,” Sister my Dear-do you actually give papers or is that my imaginings only of your success in class writing? And that had happened that evening before Down-to-Earthy so since it made me think happily of Sis and how we’re in sink both doing well at our endeavors- mine- the writing- just had been coming into coherency- so thinking that happily and not having to think anything else- note the confession of how too often I think too much of all things else –than bodhicitta- don’t we all.

So that is my dream recap of the month ago dream episode.
Tonight was a dream- the sundae had its ice cream being the smooth roll of gentle roll (the name for this exercise we were practicing) and we all were so had-been-cold and now grapesily (I’d like to say icecreamily here but grapesilly –really). warm after being cold too much through the day. To collect energy, to send it outward in gift of words like this –as being a gift inward also.
Earth, gold, moon, fire, Treasure, jewel mine, ocean,
Vajra, mouintain, medicine, spiritual master,
Wish-fulfilling jewel, sun, melody,
Conveyance, well, Elegant sound, river, and cloud ~Arya Maitreya’s Ornament of Clear Realization
That’s bodhicitta – the compassion of the greatest most expansive and internally bright level according to the Buddhists who -of the Tibetans such as readers of Lord Gampopa’s Precious Ornament of Liberation – all practice sitting meditation and contemplation by its stories and code. It is an ancient cultural text, its content containing some things I don’t believe and most Buddhist don’t even come close to the beliefs of which male-supremacy appears, and also righteousness of vowing against other paths. But I love this naming of what bodhicitta is because it is our birthright and our element within elements, Earthy Moon and Sun-beaming-Sounding Melody, the Wish-Fulfilling Jem, warm after being cold too much through the day. To collect energy, to send it outward in gift of words like this –as being a gift inward also.
A candle planted into the relaxer- light sand and a toss-up the glass of grape juice or wine for all those bodhicittas between the lines.
-the example of that being that after the icecreamily line I thought on and on about the classmates of mine in Level two and they’re in sink complainings-that weren’t because everybody was happy they could after all do that movement after lots and lots of building-up-to it movements like building a contraposto bent kneeling over-awful heavy shoulders but he got to get up in this case –in that sculpture of mine in mind he’d have a chain of himselves rising up and losing the shoulders. Tensions in them…melting away…ice cream, in the jaw, melting away the trigger point pain that my mother had and then I got. Did I take it of her telepathically (hee)? Thanks to the massage we intend to get. Thanks to the massage healer. Wish you be named in Gratitude? Well, if some keep reading and find later some reference to a spontaneous phrase-of-gratitude (that I call these made up jargons like “serenity now” of my Dad’s –well that sounds popularly referenced from somewhere –also there’s “I’m soooo happy particularly with a smile and –if you did count ‘o’s that’d be about their number). Anyway there’s “Gratitude to __” and that’ how the name of this teacher/healer of ours might appear for proper grace. “I’m sooo happy” is particularly good at going to sleep-relaxation time.