In State College trooping around after sleeping out and sooooo tired, cold, not able to keep up with Valerie and having to call her to tell her I HAD to nap before then moving on to yoga rather than meet her for the Christmas street fest
In Theresa's one of the first times after starting skating, learning the turning mountain, realizing I am ...camels...too many not having occured yet too me- sore.
Another time like that- Kriyavati- so sore.
hanging upside down one evening after a practice and feeling better after like 20 minutes of feeling upper and lower back vertebrae realign
at Ahimsa and I realize: sore from camels, Level 2 though the rest of me supports the idea, the camel-hold-up part of upper back and lumbar, exhausted, inflamed, surely subluxated.
I know there are weeks in there not remembered as being sore and remembered as having nice flows in them on Wednesday/'Thursday period, well, there actually weren't many- the first couple of weeks were in Theresa's learning the turning thing and that was sore and the pre Thanksgiving time rested and my knee did ache and low back ache as evidence both were overused- though Thanksgiving rested it and restored it when I practiced with Deborah, really realy restored these aches.
Then of course there's this last couple-week stretch in which I finally realized- after it starting to inkle something... what is it- maybe camels? at first I thought layback- has to be reduced- well it's both. Drawing on that today in totally slowing down, tuning into specific muscle groups before readying to enter and then with the spins themselves only two or three per today, I did that few today, maybe three if you count the spin on the spinner. I feel great, taken care of. I told Tiffany I am "so so injured" because I was drawing on memory of the past several weeks at the right moment, explaining to her my lack of doing the pushups at "do ten" cue because that let me remember all the fear I'd had and obivously still am just GETTING OVER to be able to put aside the sadness that I'm not going much to Triyoga, not to Gita at all, and that sound -abrasive to my queit-cue-used-to verbal meditation-mindset- so let it get me unfocused on the gentleness I need to execute the leaving-the-meditative-for-what-strains-t
o-neck-to thank-God-for-it-Triyoga of gentle type to follow then is to save, unwind. So I realized how much a retrain for my brain leaving the quiet those planks, pushups and side pushups, then of course thigh-bunched-over the shoulder move, are - I really have to conclude what is centering and sadhana that is the lying on the floor very brief stretch of time, conclude with my own brief and silent thanks and dedication little prayer so that then I can let go the place-expectation-this-of-being rejuvenating for a neck (and low back, likely) that will need special attention after the class, and those things -the side plank with free leg into tree that is so impossible not to strain and endanger a tear in the supporting knee, then shoulder respectively- that I have to think of some kind of secret hidden prop, under the clothes, that'll drop a spring down- a spring so I can be mobile to push up higher into the appearance of the horrible danger pose- and I have to have a plan for how to get this paid for by me - money going to Mom -so I can have it just be on me if I can't make this fly and drop out - unable to do the moves. The getting the thigh over shoulder thing they'll have me work on and I'll get it chiropractically looked at.... and the only thing that remains to be seen to in all this is the propping dangerous side tree.
what is this search the green dove peace sight w/all the art links & ...'womens' ar. ..film..." there are communities of poeple out there who discuss these things- then if my Triyoga family of those I see throughout life is the only community in which i always feel I'll return, these things are worth dipping into, even that only one dip that leaves the very special thin plaster of chocolate dip that the rest of the candy stick will get the special meldiness, and special taste - Someone writes a film on Vietman "Surnam Viet Given name Nam" and someone from India films "Pink Saris..." what are these, they've got to all be good... the magazine of women's art- modern trends...
I'm making a doll-figure for Zhea. She is going to laugh. because I'm using this hypnosis idea I have. She'll know I'm not making fun of her. It is like this: the girl figure's eyes are reaching to this hypnotism ball -wheel and she is looking for the dream she had in many forms and variations of being inadequate in the yoga certification she wants to be in and this time her Guru has just turned green. It's connecting multiple cartoons Zhea's drawn me while I was telling her the stories-
“Yes, everybody has the answer. Yes… “ Bob Marley sang to me today. Because sitting here after the period pain, in the midst of questioning (and, albeit, reinstigating) my vacation, revisiting the years past and each of their eras of this recipe of “looking for jobs or posting for Gita or suchlike- investigating/putting my own postings on the town, doing yoga, most of all: writing and thinking about the things that are on my mind in yoga which takes all day or half a day then cooking, and most of all the equal of prior most: wasting time on relationships.” Then I say, I’m gonna start something. The only thing I’ve done I can say I’ve done worthwhile is meditate. I know there are tons (most) people in the world looking at their life, sitting there just as I’m doing, sizing it up like this. Why not all come together and size up the meditation we’ve been doing? We obviously have enough care and compassion for ourselves (and for others, though societal misfits self-appraised, we’re not in prison) so why not extend that by recognizing the breathing that we’re doing as what is it: meditation, I know now, having talked to (guess those relationships weren’t a waste) enough other people either self-appraised or appraising in the thoughtline of how is my life going, am I getting anywere, accomplishing anything? To know –see, I see, they’re meditating according to the Buddhist or the this-form-of-yogic (one or the other) eye focal flow and the body flow. They come out of it talking to me lucidly about what they’ve experienced. Sure I would only have come to this through teaching some too and seeing that people who actually are meditating for a multiple number of these deep breaths – and I count reading poetry, with Nick, right along as the same such – to realize this uniformity – and sure that means I am more adept a meditation teacher than I care to realize. And I’ve just been hanging out! Talking same-such lo-down with my “homies!” Laughing too. Always also laughing in these times. So I, Aleytia Gaumut, do hereby start the meditation for stretchy and stretchy-hopes-to-be people. Whether or not I pass yoga teacher training, I know I’m gonna get certified by Rinpoche to teach, it the Tibetan line of things, that I feel absolutely sure of. And Sure of its applicability to all my “homies” and to the .. ok only to the yoga if I ever get certified in it. I’m confident enough in the Tibetan work of things which includes all this happiness, fiction and art here, having to share. So keeping a little bit of a secret (yoga) well what’s to gab about it anyway? There’s kinship and comradery and Homieness to go to in it and that’s not a misdemeanor.
North Carolina.. I saw in my mind's eye the green -light and shiny transparent-partly -same green I'd imagine while visualizing the color of the heart- when thought of the green we'd just left in Florida being the same life freedom-from-cold beckoning in North Carolina. That was while continuing the playing in my head of "green, green pastures, stretching, far and farther than the green on the other side of this fence..." silly up-and-down tune, it was like a sweet sign and that then I was thinking of the next part of this storyline which is the Guru saying I am the green travelling body.. and then I realize upon repeated instances of wishing to travel and green songs coming up, green clay, and almost forgetting that the green heart story is -- oh and I wanted to give Gita a shell figure with green and then the marker to remember to tell her the apologetical-silly reason for not sending Valentine's Party invitations while -actually it was (get rid of this part) - the appearing in my dream as so nice of you to say "so glad you were able to be here," online live feed, remembers itself as green
Dig. I’ve dug. Under the pressures, that’s what digging is. Of time, of sudden time announcing itself (in parent not approving – or if I didn’t get it done before figuring out it’s not crazy, they’d catch me, call met that). Again. In the freezer. ..are the sculptures of yogis that came in the summer when I still was going for those walks. On the wall here and in the bathroom, more yogis and oh!- on the bathtowel. And of course the binful of sketches for clay I have by heart in my head if Mom forgot and needed to free us of it. I would, certainly as I am certain, have forgotten if it hadnt’ been for this very push to dig that is actual push (as in it’s momentum- it’ll try and push me over and all my art-making even found art-making self). And the blissful knowledge and its question of educational-further-urge seed –yes, this is easy in this time as the upturning happened in a stage unto its own few months – and yes, since art too easy and dry can’t work, and I don’t want to ask for another series of misdemeanors all chewed away into my time, though of course they will (and thanks be to that), I will need, for deliberation’s sake, a new process, a new outward starter inspiration, and not knowing where that could come from, I just keep set on my process to move out from my kryptically yelling comrade’s environment. Into the new veins of little time-taking arts (collage, photo, garden mulch art) but let them not enable my dependancies upon eating too much sugar at night, sleeping late, engaging in long, mental-enspiralling relationships, looking fruitlessly for jobs, and looking fruitlessly for the Great New art medium. the new pottery road of North Carolina?
Youre always wanting the ‘answers’ –sequences of acts- to do something that is normally not done with such a limited idea of where you want to go with it.. music.. . writing itself.. colors to visualize when you are remembering a writing passage that sounds good and then colors for later in the day when you’ve done yoga- and the mind has had its break- so in there is the color that’s meant to be the analogous or partnered one- meaning also energies to complement the purple creative one- you started with?
Then there’s “I write down the experience of vacation once I’ve done it. Then once I’ve returned home and I’m needed here-there-everywhere through the day-so as to be taken out of my vacation mode, I know to say the important thing is I tried, and here it is- the written down freshly like an offering in a temple and then this way once the thing I’m needed for here and there passes if it passes, I can realize I’m still on vacation. Or not, the thing is written down and it energizes regardless. Also: going along that vacation tangent: you remind yourself “I’m on vacation” only when you’re on vacation. You’re still working away, obviously; you needed to remind yourself.